It’s been an interesting year for my family and I, and life is finally beginning to settle down. Clem and I sold some land, sold a home, purchased a home, and moved our family to a new community, all within a year, which was much quicker than we’d anticipated. Once we’d revamped our thinking because we couldn’t find what we were looking for and found the home we purchased, immediately and without hesitation, I took that as a sign that this change was long overdue and desperately needed. Everything since, has fallen into line seamlessly, which kind of makes me feel like this was the path intended for us all along.
Even though I’d experienced cold feet one or twice, this still just felt right, and I swear I questioned my own sanity a few times. If you ask me though, I think the biggest accomplishment by far, has been our acceptance of the realization that the dream we’d once had and clung to like a beacon of hope, had died not long after our daughter was diagnosed with cancer. Out of all of the things we’ve done over the years, this by far, ranks up there as one of the most difficult realities we’ve had to face and finally let go of.
And what I’ve realized is this, it is absolutely okay. People and things change over time, and dreams should follow to reflect that. The most damaging thing about our dream, wasn’t the dream itself, but the hanging on to it like it was our absolute and only future. Obviously, I’ve learned the valuable lesson that sometimes letting go is just as important as holding on.
We humans are interesting, and it’s comical that Clem and I even still considered following through on this alleged future after everything we’d learned all those years ago. I think that was the most absurd thing we’d done during this time, denying our own reality. Talk about forfeiting your peace just to follow a path we’d sworn up and down that we were destined to take, even though it no longer fit the life we knew we needed and wanted to live.
That’s crazy. That’s been added to my definition of insanity now. Repetition of the same act or holding on to the same belief, all while knowing that the outcome isn’t the reality you wish it to be, is kind of insane, I think (denial of what we know and still considering taking that chance…what were we thinking?). That’s not for me anymore, no thanks.
All of the years we spent towing that crazy dream around, cost Clem and I dearly in many ways (including being bro-ho-ho-ho-oke). At the time, we’d felt that the short term pain for the long term (alleged) gain was more than worth it, but looking back, it wasn’t worth it at all. If I must say, for us, we’ve learned that when something costs us our peace, it isn’t worth it. For us, peace, in any form is something we value…and highly.
It sounds cliché, but I think that striving for peace in our life truly has been the goal for a long time for us, but we’d had a skewed sense of how to achieve it. It’s not been an easy journey in making this discovery, but it has been one of the most important. I won’t forget it, that’s for sure.
As I’ve finally managed to find a corner to place my desk (in a room with my piggies which I’m currently calling the Pigsty), I look forward to being able to get back into the grind once again. With school starting in just a few weeks, I’m excited to see what this new life has in store for us. For the time being, my biggest challenge involves this Google Nest Thermostat thingee (it came installed in the house)…either it’s super smart, super dumb, or not meant for Canadian weather which changes by the minute and this thing cannot possibly keep up. Whatever the answer, it seems that this thermostat is hellbent on either cooking or freezing us alive and knows of no other temperatures in between…it’s been entertaining in a fun and exasperating way.
So far, life has been really good (thankfully and finally) and even though it hasn’t been easy, we know that this was definitely the right thing for us to do. When Clem and I pop the bottle of champagne we’ve been saving for this exact occasion tonight, I’ll silently reflect back in remembrance of the dream we once held dear. For those who seek this exact dream, it’s available now, and should you stumble upon it and adopt it as your own, I wish you well with it.
I want you to know that it was very much wanted, loved, hoped for, strived for, and sacrificed for for many years. It was amazing, and still is. It’s just no longer for us, we’ve changed. I look forward to the new dream/dreams we are about to discover, and for the first time in a long time, we seem to have things to look forward to.