It’s been the usual this week, aside from the bitter cold that rolled in. Can’t step outside for one moment without feeling like you’re suffocating because some toxic lung collapsing vapor is choking you out, as goosebumps (I originally put nipples cause it’s true!) rip through your clothing and you piss yourself from the extremes of this bloody cold. Fun, right?! Staying home, wrapped up in a heated blanket on the couch, binge watching Netflix is a viable option for most. Pissing in your many layers of long johns, pants and snow pants, well, I’ll leave that up to the folks who feign invincibility.
It’s the time of year where the freezer in your house starts advertising itself as a sauna. If you’ve never experienced it, I highly recommend! Oh! And for anyone unfamiliar with these weather patterns, it’s the usual for winters here. I’ve also experienced melting and raining during this season and anything in between in the years I’ve been alive, so no, it’s not unusual for us. I honestly can’t stand the years where we’ve had warmer temperatures and ice. Lots of ice! You can’t walk anywhere without slipping and suffering grievous/embarrassing injury or nearly dying, so cold and snow it is!
I’ve had some time to sit and write this week, typing many therapeutic lines, but have decided that I can’t really express them publicly. It’s a shame really. So much going on in the world right now that pertains to these thoughts, but the backlash is more than enough to deter me. I don’t think a day will ever arrive where my words will be considered without exceptional scrutiny from people who so strongly want to believe that their opinions are 100% correct, despite evidence. 100%, what the hell is that anyway? I’ve learned that buying into an opinion, 100% without any thought or without any open mindedness, can screw you at some point.
Clem and I shared a laugh the other day about certainty, the only things truly certain in life ARE death and taxes. Some days, I wish I was still so blissfully ignorant, with my head lodged firmly in the sand with my ass in the air, free for the taking, but then I think not. I shudder to think about how many times people truly screwed me whilst I was in that position. I’m sorry, that was too much…but really, that’s the truth about people in society. You don’t realize how many times you’ve been fucked until you pull your head out of the sand (or your ass or maybe someone else’s ass…who knows) and take a look around. By then, the damage has been done, let me assure you of that. And, the number of times you think you’ve been screwed over, is actually probably 10 times that. Scary, huh?
I have been doing more reading, as per usual, but I have been frequenting some websites where people of all walks of life, have ‘show and tell’ in regards to a vast array of situations. I know that I am not the only one with similar stories, but it’s the reactions of the readers that are most shocking. Stories, shared by humans just like you and I, being victimized yet again, through the sharing of their ordeal, only to face intense scrutiny and abuse from others who don’t want to accept what is. Terrible. What is wrong with these people? Communication has deteriorated and eroded substantially over the years. More means to do it, and less understanding. Unreal. What century are we in?
I only wrote twelve different pieces this week (LOL), only to be deterred by fear. The last thing I wrote about, illustrated how isolating it is to arrive at the conclusions I have, that go against the norm. It’s crazy to spend that much time writing it all down, only to read it afterwards and think, man are people ever going to judge and jump all over me.
Maybe one day I won’t be so afraid and I will be strong enough to withstand that backlash, but it’s just not right now. I acknowledge that I am still very ‘raw’ and require more time to get back to full strength. All I can do, is remind myself that it won’t happen overnight. I’m very different now, and accepting this new me, is part of the process. Once I accept that, I can only hope things will fall into place. I berate myself enough, and don’t need others to do it for me.
Until then, I’m going to give my creative side permission to ‘make’ today. Those cute little gnomes I’ve had my eye on making for over a year, keep popping up and I just can’t help myself any more! I braved the cold to secure a few of the necessary supplies I lacked and now it’s time to unleash the beast. What else have I got to do today, it’s fucking cold outside!
The Hopeful Pessimist 