Fancy A$$ Napkins for 2021

Seriously, I just want January to piss off already. Ugh…it just won’t hurry up and go away. This month is ridiculous…and you know what? Throw in February and March too, I’m so over winter right now…yes, I’m whining.

I’m ready to fast forward through all of these bloody Groundhog Days I’ve been having since right after the holiday. It’s the same damn monotonous day, day after day after day. It’s like the day after New Year’s I heard the universe yell, Haaaayyy, welcome to January! This is month that never ends….followed by some terrible tuba and trumpet musical number of The Song That Never Ends, except this is the month that never seems to end.

This year, this year, January has been one big total blah. It’s just one big never ending loop of cleaning, cooking, and laundry over and over and nothing, absolutely nothing else (I’ve been trying to sneak in a little quilting here and there while my arm heals but I’ve been ridiculously busy just doing this). This is nothing like Jersey Shore’s gym, tan, laundry I tell ya. It’s more like medieval church droning with constant and incessant doom and gloom raining down all over but there’s no whipping, torturing and killing going on…that I know of. Is this an option?

Just to feel something other than this immense feeling of uuugggghhh, I feel like boiling up some hot wax and indulging in a screaming good time while drinking and ripping this winter crop off of my newly formed cherubic pandemic goddess body just to shake shit up a bit and feel alive. Yes, I am a rebel. When I look in the mirror as of late, I see a furry cherub, erring more to the side of rabid and Hobbit-like than cute and cuddly and I often mutter, who the fuck is that? Scary.

Instead of partaking in a bunch of painful shit, maybe I should just form a new club, I’ll call it The Hairy Cherub Club. We can have weekly online meetings while consuming whatever drinks float our boats and discuss the exciting things not happening in our lives. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? Oh, and let’s also make it pants optional, that’ll definitely make this club the shit.

At this point, what do we have to lose? Dignity? What’s that?

I finally…finally, left my house (other than walking when the weather was nice) for the first time in over a month, but the sad thing is, that was over 2 weeks ago now. I can’t even begin to explain how good it felt just to roam free and run a couple of errands with Clem…this is what we call date day…isn’t that sad? The shitty part was, I got a call from Lola begging me to come and pick her up from school because she was unprepared and required immediate assistance.

Of course, my kids come first, but my sanity…what’s left of it…doesn’t. That one measly hour that I’d been out getting groceries and picking up countertop samples wasn’t quite enough to squeeze a single drop of sanity out of a stone. Let’s just say that I wasn’t too happy with my daughter. Will she ever be accountable for herself…don’t answer that.

Oh well, maybe next time…if there is a next time.

With the weather baring its usual shitty self, I have turned my attention to choosing a new countertop to replace the old dated ones we currently have. As we are planning (eventually) to relocate, we have to update a little before selling our current home. Talk about a nightmare for someone as indecisive as myself. I seem to be having more of those moments that when making a decision about something, I panic and look for an adult, only to realize that I am the adult…fuck.

This is completely beyond my scope and I should perhaps consider wrangling a professional to just come in and tell me what to do. Beyond that, having these tiny little samples isn’t making things any easier. My neurotic side keeps telling me that this tiny portion of said countertop sample looks like this, but what about the rest of it…will it be horrendous? A moment of genius or a moment of insanity…won’t know until I know I guess.

Hopefully I’ll be able to decide soon. I’ve been glaring at the samples for far too long and now I’m not even certain that I like any of them…of course. Maybe that’ll be the driving force to get me to leave my abode for some very much needed air and a change of scenery…that’s a pretty big maybe though.

I’m actually missing the old insane days of running my kids from sporting activity to sporting activity…am I ill? At the very least I now acknowledge that this helped to fast forward through all of the blah parts of the winter because of the constant running and that may very well be why January has been crawling at a snail’s pace this year. It was one thing to choose the slower pace last year but completely another to have no choice this year.

Damn you January. This does seem a little unfair to January though, don’t you think? I don’t believe that it’s just because it’s January. Could it be that it’s the constant recurrence of this Groundhog Day I’ve been living or the dreaded realization that it may be here to stay?

We’d usually be making summer plans right now but it seems that we are unable due to the unpredictable future that lay ahead. Perhaps I should just take my calendar and toss it into the recycling bin, much like I should’ve done last January with last year’s calendar (I saved it though…just in case there was a shit paper shortage). That would’ve been the smart thing to do and since I usually learn from my mistakes, I definitely feel the urge to just pop it in the bin and forget about it.

What do I really need a calendar for when everything seems to be the same every single day as of late? There isn’t anything to pencil in, so why keep them? Am I the only one feeling this way? What a shame to want to pass through life so quickly…is there ever going to be an end to this?

By the way things are looking, the answer is very clear. I’m just going to put all of the calendars and planners (both current and last year’s) in the bathroom. At least they’ll be good for something. I’m a tad leery of the shiny ones though, they appear to be a little slick and seem to have the potential to fold pointily…ooooh, it appears that exciting days are ahead…

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