I know exactly what I heard. I’m not completely deaf…yet and as far as I know, my mind wasn’t in the gutter that I know of during this timeframe. I admit, I have a very dark sense of inappropriate humor, and sarcasm flows like water within our household but this was plainly not my fault…at all. I’m sure you’ll side with me after you read this…maybe?
On Saturday evening, my youngest daughter, Caelan, came running up the stairs from the basement to the living room where Clem and I were watching a movie and proceeded to excitedly beg, babble, and blurt out quickly,
“Mom, Dad, I need help. I need to put $26 on the PlayStation and I’ll pay you back. Pleeeeaassse. It’s a limited time. I can get four skins and it’s only for a limited time, please, can I buy it? It’s four skins!”
My jaw hit the floor and I began to laugh hysterically, followed by a sudden pause and the thought, what the hell just she just say? No, couldn’t be…whaaattt?? Caelan’s confused look said it all, she was clueless as to what she just asked and I thought it was fucking hilarious but was confused as to why she’d be asking for such a thing. Yeah, I’m bad.
If you re-read as quickly as you can aloud, exactly as she said above, then I’m sure you’ll know why I was so bloody confused by her desperate want…did you catch it? Perhaps my mind may have been in the gutter, but from my perspective, I had no idea just what the hell she was talking about, and I was genuinely amused at what she was willing to pay $26 for. Yeah, I wanted to say that the foreskins (that’s how she said it and how I perceived it) she wanted to purchase online, are often seen as medical waste to many and why on Earth would she possibly want to pay $26 for those? Needless to say, I was completely caught off-guard.
I try
I try to be an in the know mom, I really do, but for crying out loud, sometimes I feel like I need a translator and something to identify the things my children show me and talk about. In saying that, I just had an OMG I am my mother moment. Shit.
My Gawd, I feel like I can’t keep up these days and I am in way over my head. One minute the girls are into Among Us and I’m purchasing images to put on t-shirts and in the next, my kid is buying bloody foreskins…I mean 4 skins to play Fortnite with her friends. I also admit, that my head spins when they talk about TikTok and Snapchat and I definitely have no idea what the hell kind of vernacular they use to express themselves these days, gasp…does that make me old?
I swore up and down that I’d never be as clueless as my own mother when I was growing up, but here I am. I have arrived at the exact moment where I have completely become, the un-cool mom. All it took was the mention of 4 skins in a rushed and excited sentence and now I cannot deny that my kids have finally out-cooled me. Sad to think that it didn’t take long.
Accepting that they’re growing up is hard to do
I used to be the shit. Well, to them anyway. I was also their snack bitch, nighttime negotiator, and bathing wench but they also thought that I was really cool and that they were lucky to have me as their mother. Yeah, I miss those days.
Now I’m the warden, cringe-y, a Karen, and the worst person on the planet…and sometimes all at once…which sucks because I’m still the willing and eager to learn cool mom they’ve always had. I’m still open to communication and learning about the new and exciting things that they see and I’m always down for a shopping trip, new recipe, gadget, trendy item, or crafty bedroom makeover. Hell, when Lola wanted one of those cloud mirrors, I took her out to buy the mirrors and even offered my services to help make it.
When one of the 3 mirrors broke because Clem got involved and of course, declared that his way was better, we formed a mother/daughter alliance and voted him off of the project immediately before more damage occurred. When Lola didn’t have the exact LED lights that the project called for and we couldn’t remove the frames from around the other 2 mirrors, I improvised and turned the project into a one-of-a-kind masterpiece that she fell in love with. A little mom ingenuity and we were off to the races.
I got this
How’s that for cool powers, hey? Nanananaananananana….Super Cool Mom!!!! Hey, it could happen…couldn’t it? No tights though please, that’s a hard no.
It’s funny to think that my kids don’t think of me the same as how they once did and discount me for not being completely in the know, but by golly, they still need me. Especially when skins are on for a limited time and cloud mirrors are all the rage. I guess I’d better brush up on my mad Renegade moves and learn to get my Fortnite on before Caelan is off and running on some other bizarre tangent, and who knows what she’s going to want to ask for next.
I should really consider dragging out the old MC Hammer pants and introducing the girls to my old school dance moves and see who’d be declared the winner of a dance-off. Or maybe, this summer I will acquaint them with Sun In and grunge style now that Lola has me ripping apart perfectly good jeans (she has some that we purchased in this state but wanted to do the 3 hours of stitch picking I guess). They already love to play with Clem’s old original Nintendo, which is way easier for me to figure out because it only has 2 buttons and a single control pad because that bloody PlayStation is frustrating for me to figure out….in saying that, I guess it’s official that I am in fact old to them.
I admit I may just be a little tiny bit afraid of what falls out of Caelan’s mouth the next time she comes running up the stairs but I’m sure it will be an interesting learning experience for me, to say the least. I promise I won’t kill myself laughing next time, she really didn’t like that. Oh, and perhaps the teachable moment should wait until after everything settles down…I haven’t specifically had the talk about possibly spacing out the 4 and the skins with a brief pause in her speech yet, I didn’t want to embarrass her. See, I’m learning…and I still feel like I could still be the cool mom, especially now that I understand the importance of needing $26 for 4 skins in regards to Fortnite.
The Hopeful Pessimist 