The Beginning Of A New Chapter

My apologies for being MIA the last little while, but I have something exciting I’d like to share…

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As the sunlight pours into my kitchen, combined with the somewhat quiet stillness of the morning (the traffic pouring in from the highway is loud today), I feel my composure returning after a brief spell of buyer’s remorse. Fortunately, it’s now being overshadowed by the excitement of our journey into a new life. I’m ecstatic to say that we have taken yet another step forward to our new beginning, albeit a little faster than we normally would, and I’m still having a hard time believing that this is happening for us…finally.

Within one week, we managed to change gears and hone in on the needs of our family for the next couple of years, which really opened our eyes. Since getting a firm grasp on our needs and accepting what our current reality is, we finally set course on a new trajectory. In doing that, I am excited to say that Clem and I made an offer on an amazing home for our family this weekend…and the offer was accepted. All I can say is holy shit that was fast!

So, I’d like to apologize for being MIA the last little while, but the past week and a half has been a little insane. On Monday of last week, Clem and I were still attempting to wish and hope for an acreage to appear on the market that would suit our needs (and price point), but we realized that our life stage doesn’t fit the life dream right now. It makes more sense to be closer to our kids’ schools and activities than to be far away at this point in our life. The dream is still there but it just isn’t the right time.

I never saw this coming

It wasn’t until Clem sent me a listing within a different community that I realized that we might find an amazing home that could satisfy most of our needs. A backyard is important to me and our past experiences of living like sardines in a big city scarred me for life, which is why I was so adamant about living on an acreage. That, however; comes with tradeoffs that I’ve finally realized, aren’t conducive to the life we live right now.

We’ve been looking since last fall and I can say that what we’ve found, hasn’t been what we were looking for. I really don’t need 40 acres or horse stables, just a home that would allow us all a little more space and functionality. Unfortunately, many of the homes on the acreages we’d discovered are much smaller than what we have right now, with many in desperate need of some TLC and they come with a hefty price tag. We are more than willing to do the work, but if we can barely afford the home and not the desperately needed repairs, it doesn’t work for us at this time.

By Tuesday, we began looking at a couple of communities that have been on our radar over the past few years, and all of a sudden we found some beautiful homes that we felt we could be happy in. On Wednesday, we decided to call our realtor to book some viewings for the weekend, just to see if the homes that had caught our eye was something we’d consider. Neither of us had planned on finding the one…we were just going to look. Now aren’t those some famous last words, HA!

When opportunity knocks…

One house in particular caught our eye (and our hearts) and I think we both fell in love with it immediately (pictures sometimes lie and we wanted to be sure that what we saw was reality). The only thing we weren’t overly thrilled with, in regards to this particular house, was the yard…or really, lack thereof. BUT, the greenspaces and walking trails surrounding it sure got our attention, and that was in addition to the location. Needless to say, we saw 6 or 7 homes on Sunday, but the one we’d kept going back to look at online, blew us away.

The house is amazing. The yard, not so much, but the open spaces behind it and all of the walking trails and amenities nearby make up for it, big time. So, I guess you can imagine what we did?

We jumped at the opportunity and made an offer.

Buyer’s remorse

Clem and I have never made a decision this big and this quickly before but the way the housing market has been heating up, we had to act fast. We knew that we wanted to make this change and the opportunity presented itself, it was time to make a move. We managed to come to an agreement and Clem and I are astounded that we managed to find a home such as this for our family…it truly is amazing (I hope we don’t find anything on inspection day!).

I was worried about our girls and if this was the right decision. Although we’d spoken to them substantially about moving beforehand, Caelan was afraid of making the change. Lola, on the other hand, was refusing to talk to us and insisted that she wasn’t moving After making the offer, Caelan said she was excited about the house and the amenities only a few minutes’ walk away which made me feel better about her, but in the middle of that very night, my mind became heavily focused on the tiny yard.

The realization that we wouldn’t be able to use our huge cheapie pool any more or make a homemade skating rink made me feel very sad. I admit, I didn’t sleep a wink that night and I found myself having a panic attack riding on the back of a heavy dose of buyer’s remorse while trying to fall asleep…I know, I’m weird. Talk about a rollercoaster ride of emotions and thoughts within a few hours of making a commitment…yeesh.

Things change…thankfully…sometimes

I know now that I was mourning the loss of the things we will no longer be able to do and processing the wide array of emotions that come from making such a huge decision. It was really bad that first night but I know that this is exactly what we need right now…a fresh start, a home that meets our needs, schools and amenities for our kids. I’ve finally accepted and realized that my kids are getting older, and their preference of activities is changing, with most not requiring much of a yard. The dream of eventually living on a larger lot outside of a community is still a possibility in the future for Clem and I, but we desperately need to focus on the present right now.

This change has been the ultimate goal but it never had a definitive a timeline. The ball got rolling once we made an agonizing decision this fall, but even I admit, I didn’t think things would move this fast. Honestly, my head is spinning and I don’t even know if it’s still attached at this point!

I know that the yard will take some time to adjust to, as well as having neighbors super close to us again, but I don’t live in my yard all year and there really aren’t many windows peering into the houses next door. I know that if things aren’t good, we can always change because we aren’t stuck like we were before. We are finally free of the shackles we stupidly placed on ourselves after one really bad decision 15 or so years ago, lessons have been learned and now life is finally moving forward.

Allowing ourselves to enjoy life

On Monday after school, Clem finally got Lola to look at the listing with the photos of the house. She still doesn’t want to leave here because of her friends but I think she’s finally coming around (it’s funny to watch her get excited and then clue in that she’s hopping around giddily and say I don’t wanna move LOL!). In our new home, she will have space to be herself and opportunities that she won’t ever have here. I hope that things transition smoothly and easily for the girls and that they don’t look back on this move with regret.

As for Clem and I, we expect a rollercoaster ride over the next while but are looking forward to our new life ahead. It’s funny to say, but the feelings of excitement that often accompanies positive anticipation had become completely foreign to us, and now that we are experiencing it again how many years later, I don’t know if it’s all nerves I’m feeling, happy butterflies, or a combination of everything. I definitely feel very much alive but I’m a little terrified too…I think that’s normal.

I know that I have been working on Caelan’s story as of late and haven’t been able to share all of the things we encountered before Lea’s journey, but I have to tell you, this change is something we felt we could only dream about how many years back. I’m having difficulty accepting that making that one single decision back in the fall, was the key to moving forward and wonder now, why the hell did we hang on for so damn long? One single decision. I’m kicking myself in the ass a little right now.

It’s amazing how quickly and drastically life can change at the drop of a hat and we can certainly say that we’ve experienced both sides of that swing. We were only going to look on the weekend and I never imagined that we’d find something more amazing than we could ever have hoped for and make a move to claim it. Crazy…pinch me.